Reviewing Our Cape Town Restaurants

As a strapping young lad, I love nothing better than to sink my teeth into a juicy steak, a tasty fish or some crunchy asparaghus. Having eaten food every day for almost a quarter of a century, I can lay claim to being a bit of an expert in this field.

Here, I give my reviews and opinions of some of the various restaurants and eateries that I have encountered during my adventures.

It's Monday, and what better way to spend it than to look at photos we took a few days earlier, when we checked out Sevruga restaurant in the V&A Waterfront? Sevruga promises to be the newest hangout spot for models, celebrities and hangers on like Danny K, and is situated where Cantina Tequila used to be. You know, Cantina - the place you occasionally went to on a Saturday night, where you got pissed and hit on by drunk foreign older women? Yeah, that place. Good times.

... Whoa there, I just re-read that last bit, I don't mean the drunk foreign older women actually pissed on you, I mean you GOT pissed and then they HIT on you... just thought I'd clear that up. More.

It was Saturday, and we had reached the time of the week when we needed to eat something.

Usually, this would mean hauling out the old gingerbread house and waiting patiently for naive German kids to get lost in the woods, but on this occasion we were in the mood for pizza and so decided to go to Borruso's instead. More

Cape Town masochists and other locals looking to get messed around can now enjoy a new and exciting venue. Pepenero Restaurant is a seafood eatery in Mouille Point, Cape Town - that apparently strives to offer the WORSE customer service in the city. Which to all those familiar with past Cape Town experiences will agree, is no mean feat. These boys are not to be messed with though, and they pull it off with aplomb.

The food is fairly bland, but this can be excused as steak was ordered and they DO seem to be a seafood restaurant after all.

Payment time however, is when Pepenero's staff and management REALLY show their class. More

Whilst skipping along the mean streets of the V & A Waterfront with The Girlfriend, we decided to mozy over to the Cape Town Fish Market, as we had the sudden urge to consume large amounts of sushi, as one tends to when seeing a giant sign saying "Sushi Bar", which is what CTFM proudly boasts.

Upon arriving at the so-called sushi bar however, imagine our surprise when we saw what we were being served. More

After doing my Sunday shopping for extra large condoms at Gardens Centre in the city, I enjoy nothing more than parking off somewhere and having a little nibble. This would usually mean grabbing a table at the Food Company, on the 2nd floor next to Creme.

Incidents over the recent holiday season however, have lead me to re-evaluate things. More

Wednesday nights are usually FTV nights, but we were feelish peckish and so dedided to check out Porcini Restaurant, where the famous club Pu Na Na used to be.

It was cold, it was wet, my hair had minced and I was helluva hungry so was looking forward to eating something in a reasonably warm environment.

Did Porcini's offer a reasonably warm environment? More

It was a warm Saturday afternoon and I had been knocking back a few stiff Jamesons since 11am, which is entirely acceptable, as 11am is the new 12pm. I read it in this month's Men's Health so it's officially a rule now.

Anyhoo, an alcohol-induced appetite became apparent, and a luncheon at Willoughby's restaurant at the V&A Waterfront was quickly arranged for a party of 6. Two of the party arrived earlier and enjoyed refreshing beers, whilst the other four of us arrived soon after.

When we got there we were greeted by our waiter, who clearly thought he was too cool for school. I did a search on Google Images to find someone who looked like him. More

Carlyle's is a vibey little restaurant in Vredehoek, full of vibey little people, eating vibey little food. So this was where we found ourselves the other day, because we consider ourselves pretty vibey, and we were really hungry.

The place is not overly large, roughly the size of the lounge at The HQ, so it's a fairly intimate setting. There were 8 of us who arrived to celebrate an engagement, which proved to be a problem because, as previously mentioned, the place is the size of The HQ's lounge. Stay with me here.

Anyhoo, after much compromise and gnashing of teeth, we managed to squeeze everyone in, although I was forced to sit inside The Girlfriend's handbag, which was slightly uncomfortable, but I wasn't in the mood for complaining. More

It was a tepid Friday night at The HQ, and I was scavenging around, desperately looking for food. The fridge was a definite no go area - the bowl of tuna pasta was old enough to be my mother, and the slice of pizza at the bottom shelf was actually waving at me, asking me where the party would be that evening.

I didn't know where the party would be that evening, but I did know where Sinns Restaurant was, and so The Girlfriend and I ventured forth to Wembley Square in Gardens, for what we hoped would be an evening filled with gastronomical delight. More

I have long considered myself a "creative", a free spirit and someone who thinks outside the box. As a young impressionable chap, I remember scratching my head at the concept of "long play records" or "LP's" as we cool kids called them back in the 80's.

"These things are so impractical", I remember saying. "Surely they could come in a more compact disk?"

Then there was the time I was trying to watch German pornography on a poor quality VHS tape. "Bah humbug" I said aloud.

"Why can't this be displayed on a high quality disk which we would then call a DVD, for no apparent reason?"

Yes, these were just some of the many crazy and "out there" ideas I came up with whilst growing up.

As a creative, I enjoy mingling with other like-minded people, and so it came to pass that we arrived at Beluga, a rather trendy little spot at the Foundry, just off Somerset Road, Green Point, where many a creative can be found eating sushi or drinking beer. More

I stumbled across one of Cape Town's best kept secrets the other day. No, it wasn't the cell number of The Gupster (Officially Cape Town's fifth most eligible bachelor).

Anyhoo, back to the topic at hand, I had a heavy night at Mercury Lounge on Friday, watching the Dirty Skirts (also known as "die Vrot Rokke" by a witty Afrikaans friend of mine). I had previously never had the pleasure of seeing the Dirty Skirts before. I had heard good things from groupie friends of mine who had slept with some of them, and I was also familiar with one of their tracks ("What will I do? Ow, Ow") so I spent the early part of the evening getting suitably soaked on Jamesons whilst excitedly awaiting the band.

To summarise, the Dirty Skirts were pretty damn good, their music consisting of an eclectic blend of energetic indy rock and - dare I say it - a little bit of pop? Anyhoo, once their set ended we headed off downstairs to shake what our respective mommas gave us, and things escalated from there......More

I have always had a bit of a love affair with fish. It all started as a baby, when one of my cousins - envious of my ability to read John Grisham novels since birth - threw me into the dark abyss of the Indian ocean at Seaforth beach, Simonstown. Although I could devour a John Grisham novel with relative ease, I hadn't quite grasped the concept of walking. Or swimming.

"Oh dear" I thought, as the previous 8 months of my life began flashing by. "I guess I shall be signing off then."

I was sinking slowly to the bottom of the ocean floor, wondering if my financial affairs would be in order, when I suddenly felt a sharp nudge in the back. I turned around to find a school of Cape snoek who, upon seeing my predicament, got in underneath me as if a magic carpet, and guided me to the shallows - where my jubilant family awaited. More

It was a cold and wet Winter's Thursday evening, the kind of evening that makes you go "Hey, let's sit down and have a meal at Royale Burger, in Long Street, Cape Town". And so it came to pass that we sat down and had a meal at Royale Burger, in Long Street, Cape Town. Royale is an interesting venue, boasting a 50's Grease-Lightening styled theme, innovative decor and design, and substantially large burgers, the size of a small Cape suburb. Many an evening had been spent gorging on one of their famous Federale Burgers, getting pissed at the bar upstairs (called, interestingly enough, "Upstairs") and then proceeding to physically roll home, using sheer will power and the momentum of a stiff kick from The Girlfriend's steel-tipped boot.

Plans to follow in this proud tradition were going swimmingly - I had just devoured my meal like a hungry lion, whilst drinking copious amounts of beer, and the disgusted look on The Girlfriend's face meant a stiff kick in the solar plexus was imminent. More

After a long day at work, smashing rocks with my bare fists, I like nothing better than to slip into my favourite "sherwani", and enjoy a good night of fine Indian cuisine. So it was very fitting then, that we ended up dining at Bukhara, in Church Street, Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa for a night of Tikka Pasanda, Dum Aloo, Warki Parantha and Amstel.

I am a big fan of Indian food and a regular patron of the Spur in Canal Walk. Our waiter eyed me suspiciously however, when I asked for a Double Rib Burger with cheddarmelt sauce, but the Chicken Tikka in Butter Curry he brought out more than made up for the restaurants apparent menu faux pas. A novelty of Bukhara's is the see-through window to the kitchen, allowing patrons to watch the food being made. We spent several minutes watching in wonder as the child labourers employed there expertly butchered and carved up a rather feisty cow*. More

"Saigon" was the name of an old movie which had a "2-21" age restriction on it, so you knew it had to be good. As a young spritely lad of 8 or 9, I remember spiking my parents drinks with copious amounts of Grandpa, sneaking into their bedroom and watching the R-rated flick, which had some sort of military story if memory serves, although the strongest memory I have is obviously the gratuitous nudity, and the severe beating my mom gave me when she woke up 3 days later.

So it was with this feel-good nostalgia, that we dined at Saigon in Kloof Street. The venue is large and spacious, letting you chat among your dinner party without the risk of any pesky eavesdroppers - something I value as I am often guilty of blurting out government secrets and blatant slanderous lies after an ale or two. More

Wednesday was Valentine's day, and so The Girlfriend and I went to Belthazar Wine Bar in the Waterfront, partly because neither of us can cook, but mainly because eating is a big hobby of mine (I do it on most days)

Essentially a steakhouse, the place is also a wine bar (as the name clearly suggests) and so we were greeted by a wine guy called Darius who took us through a variety of semi-sweets, chardonnays and merlots. More

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