Thursday Night Was Awesome.

Like the recent Zimbabwe run-off election, the Claremont Nostalgia Tour was a predictably successful one. After murdering a few Fish Eagles at Cubana in Greenpoint, we headed off to Claremont for a our first destination - Springbok Pub.

Despite the renovations that were done, Springboks is still just as dirty as I remembered it all those years ago. If you stood on the same spot for longer than 10 seconds, you were basically f*cked, you would have to resign yourself to the fact that you were now rooted to that spot for the rest of your life, which would probably limit your career choices as I would imagine. We saw one chick bawling her little eyes out when she rather foolishly stopped for a minute to answer her phone. Rookie error in Springboks my dear, you have to stay on the move to survive there.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that the clientele are also as classy as ever. In the bathrooms, a slightly inebriated young gentleman decided that the urinals were not to his satisfaction, and instead decided to relieve himself in the hand basin instead. Yes, Springboks is probably the only place in the world where it's actually better to not wash your hands after using the rest rooms. As one might expect, most of the attendees were a little on the young side, probably closer to 14 than 24. "Thank God you guys are here," said one clubber we knew from way back, "now I don't feel so old anymore". This of course earned him a sharp kick to the throat, as well as the mandatory confiscation of his beer. We probably would have taken his girlfriend as well, but we felt we had been there long enough and so decided to head on off to our next destination.

Stones was a bit of a letdown, clearly Thursday nights are not their strong point. We basically walked in to find an old man and his dog playing pool (A little Deutschhund incidentally, who was f*cking murdering the guy on the table) Besides those two, there were about five or six ugly people milling at the bar. We stood around for a little bit, bobbed our heads to some electronica number being played, and then headed on out to our next stop, as the ugly people were staring at us and that made us feel uncomfortable.

Tin Roof was no better really. Tinners consisted of 3 pretty girls on the dance floor, with about 5 guys sitting on the sidelines watching them from afar. Clearly the guys had all struck out and were now just glumly sipping on their Windhoek Lights. We milled around for a bit, had a few cold ales, and then decided to take the pretty girls with us as we headed on to Tiger Tiger, where we planned to throw our names away again.

Tiger Tiger was literally swimming with pretty young things, with a few dodgy ones thrown in for good measure. (To "balance things out", as they say in Belgium) Luckily we had our pepper sprays packed in, and used this to fend off any dodgy girl who came into our personal space, even the ones who had their backs to us. Strangely enough, the pretty young things of Tiger Tiger didn't really bother with us, but this was probably due to the fact that they were really shy and intimidated by how awesome we were. Happy that this was a suitable venue for us, we settled down and eventually closed the place, the doormen eventually having to throw us out at about 4:30 am.

The rest of the night was pretty hazy thereafter. In fact, I can't really recount much before that either, which is why I sort of just glossed over Tiger Tiger. I was kind of hoping you wouldn't notice, but I forgot how sharp you all are. Anyhoo, I seem to recall staggering over to Steers, ordering five spare rib pies from five different till operators, getting a Steers burger, and then eating it in an aggressive and animal-like manner, grunting with pleasure as I stuffed my face. I also then recall looking up and seeing the prettiest girl of the night staring at me in disgust. Or was it lust? There's usually a fine line there - I'm going to go with the lust though, as women tend to like the whole cave-man vibe.

Oh yes, there was also some chick in bunny ears who claimed to be a stripper, but we didn't really believe her as she had yellow teeth, and as we all know, strippers are NOT ALLOWED to have yellow teeth. Which made her a liar.

So yeah, in a nutshell - an awesome night, I need to end this now as I have to go to the men's room, so until next time - take care of yourself, aaaand each other.



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