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26 June, 2008

The Claremont Nostalgia Tour '08

Start Your Engines.

Prepare For Shaun Oakes.
Prepare For Shaun Oakes.

It's the last Thursday of June, which of course means it's time to go on a wicked bender through the mean streets of Claremont.

Some of the Claremont night spots we will be hitting will of course include the following:

Stones - Ah, the perfect place to play a game of pool, whilst at the same time trying to hit on the flossies who think they're better than Tin Roof, but frustratingly can't get into Wadda or Tiger Tiger, thus chilling in limbo at the purgatory that is Stones, whilst waiting for their lift to fetch them at 12pm outside McDonalds. A typical conversation heard:

"What's that? Your brother is here to fetch you now?"

"Okay, goodbye sweetie, thanks again for the bl*wjob outside."

"Of course I'll call you. Huh? No, I've got your number in my head. I don't need to save it on my phone."


Tin Roof (Tinners) - An exotic blend of vomit and beer can only mean one thing - you have just stepped into Tin Roof, home to pretty but skanky girls and brash yet insecure guys. Tin Roof, where you will never hear a song by Timbaland or Britney Spears.

"Hey you."

"Oh, you're introducing yourself to me again? We HAVE actually met - we made out about an hour ago at the barrel"

"No, don't be embarrassed. You made out with my friend earlier as well, but it's fine. No, seriously."

"You want to go to my car now? Okay, let me just finish my beer first. I just bought it and I don't really want to waste it."

"Stand outside and wait for me so long, I'll be another ten minutes. Go now, I'm talking to my friend."


Tiger Tiger - The location for many wild adventures back in the day, Tiger should be pumping tonight, especially with the whole student night vibe going on.

"Hey? You want to kiss me?"

"No, it's fine thanks. I just saw you hurling outside when I came in. You can rather go buy me another Amstel. Quickly though, this one is almost finished."


Wadda Bar - Is Wadda open on a Thursday? We will soon find out. I've been to Wadda once or twice, maybe even three times, and I honesty can't remember any of those occasions, so I guess that's a pretty glowing endorsement?

Springboks
- The last time I went to Springboks I was this tall (points to his waist). They closed for a while, then opened up as Vertigo for a few months, before becoming known as Springboks again.

Is the place still so f*cking vuil?

Are the beers there still cheap?

Does that pole-dancing midget still hang out there?

All those questions will be answered tonight. With a traveling party of about 20, it should be quite the night, so don't be shy to buy me a drink if I happen to stumble into you. Especially if I fall over. Because that's just good manners.

NB: Everyone will have fun, but of course there will be no real shenanigans, or irresponsible behaviour like drinking and driving because:

A) The Girlfriend would cut my other foot off, and I need that one for walking and dancing. And karate kicks.
B) We are responsible gentlemen and will of course be traveling by taxi.



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