The Prestige

As everyone knows, Tuesday is Movie Night, and the other night The Girlfriend and I went to catch The Prestige. I had read a lot of good press about this, I had enjoyed director Christopher Nolan's previous film, Memento. I also like Batman and Wolverine, and I've got a soft spot for Michael Caine, who is like the eccentric old British neighbour everyone wishes they had.

The film is interesting in that it shows you another side of the magician's world, behind the curtain. I always thought of magicians as lovable old people who smelt of copper and cabbage. This film shows that there is more to the Magnificent Marvin and his friends than meets the eye.

The plot centres around Batman (Christian Bale) and Wolverine (Hugh Jackman), two feuding magicians who spend years, well, feuding. The film held my attention and there was a tense build up to the finale but the ending left me feeling a little flat. I kind of picked up on the big twist halfway through and was left a little disappointed that there was no surprise waiting for me. Sigh, I guess that's what happens when you're really smart and intellectual like I are smart and intellectual.

I would compare this film to a McDonalds quarter pounder (with cheese). You will probably enjoy it, but at the end you will still feel hungry. Or maybe I'm just a pig.

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Rudebox Sucks Big Hairy Balls

I'm a big fan of Robbie Williams, I've illegally downloaded almost every one of his songs, and made copies of CDs for literally hundreds of friends and family. His "Greatest Hits" album released two years ago was a definite must have for every music lover and the follow up album, "Intensive Care" became an instant classic. What then, was he thinking when he released his new album, "Rudebox"?

After listening to it for a couple of weeks now, I'm convinced that he's taking the piss. Robbie Williams you're a singer, not a rap artist. If I wanted to listen to rap, I'd get my fix from The Game or 50 Cent, not from a white former boy band member.

Worse than his mediocre rapping skills, are his attempted stabs at the dance genre, which essentially sounds like loud electronic noise. His second commercial single, "Lovelight" is undoubtedly the highlight of the album, but unfortunately it's just downhill from there. I was listening to the album in the car the other day and I had to pull over because my ears started bleeding and I didn't want to mess on my interior. It's that bad, avoid it like the plague.

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Is Gareth Cliff Looking For Friends?

The last few weeks I've been receiving more and more of these strangely "chummy" messages. I've typed out one of these word for word for your convenience:

Hi sexy - saw u @ the beach - lets do drinks! GARETH CLIFF is live @ SOBHAR fri nite or meet me at the SOBHAR J+B met afterparty on Sat ? See u there ! xx

Now a lesser man may have fallen for this little trick (especially if they happened to be at the beach a few days earlier and had just had their chest shaved and thought that they looked rather dashing in a ruggedly handsome, Ben Affleck type of way) but not I. Oh no, not I.

And Sobhar is a hole, anyway. And Gareth Cliff is a big wally.

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Blood Diamond

As everyone knows, Tuesday is Movie Night, and the other night me and The Girlfriend (sorry, The Girlfriend and I) went to catch Blood Diamond. Not usually a big Leonardo DiCaprio fan but I had heard some good things from people I trust, and so went along with an open mind. After watching it, let me say, believe the hype. In fact, to steal a line from The 40-Year-Old-Virgin:" I always thought that Leonardo DiCaprio was like a Streisand, but he's rocking the shit in this one!"

He plays a total badass by the name of Danny Archer, or "Denny Orcher" as he calls himself, in his near flawless South African accent. The movie can best be described as an action flick with a conscience. It centres around conflict diamonds, specifically a rare and valuable "pink diamond". I didn't really know much about conflict diamonds until that Kanye West song, "Diamonds Are Forever / Diamonds of Sierra Leonne". This movie is also based in Sierra Leonne, which sounds like the real arsehole of Africa, with people seemingly getting their limbs chopped off on a daily basis. (Well, in the 90's anyway, that's when the movie is set)

DiCaprio is well supported by Djimon Hounsou, who plays a heroic father trying to find his son, as well as Jennifer Connelly, a goody-two-shoes American journalist who tags along for the ride. The movie is just over two hours long, but I was able to sit through it quite comfortably, even though I tend to have a short attention span, so that should tell you something. Do yourself a favour and check it out. It's certainly no cinematic masterpiece like "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy" or "Old School", but it's worth a night out.

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The Crazy Paintball Adventure

It was a painfully hot Sunday morning when we embarked to Tokai, to partake in the rather manly tradition of running around a forest playing Gun Gun. We had often spoken of the desire to shoot large chunks out of one another, but it wasn't until The Gupster showed the required initiative to phone and book a morning session, that it came to pass. And so it came to pass.

Myself, Barry (the Token Black Guy), DC and Steve O joined 25 other associates for a morning of tactical war games, capturing of flags and the general release of male testosterone. As everyone gathered for the initial briefing, tension clearly filled the air. "You can cut the tension here with a knife" commented The Gupster, using his trusty pocket knife to lop a piece off, thus proving his point. By this time the sun was really baking, causing Steve O to literally melt. DC, mistaking him for a cup of lime energade, began gulping him down, before someone pointed out his folly and he was forced to cough him back up again.

We were divided into teams and handed our weapons. As I watched Barry (the Token Black Guy) - who had clearly used a gun before - firing off deadly accurate practice rounds, I began wondering aloud if this was really such a good idea after all.

"Is this really such a good idea after all?" I wondered aloud to DC, one of my team-mates, who also seemed slightly uneasy. (I had earlier seen him weeping behind a nearby bush) My thoughts were interrupted though as the games began and everyone went running around in a blind state of panic.

The first game involved us trying to capture a blue flag, as we were the green team. Showing my strong leadership abilities, I quickly took charge, barking out orders and dividing the team into smaller tactical groups. Disappointingly, no one seemed to listen, as my ingenious plan of building an underground tunnel to the Blue base clearly went unheeded. No surprisingly then, we lost - the game ending for me in a hail of bullets from Barry (the Token Black Guy), who had now officially become my nemesis.

General concern centred around Sergio though, who had been felled by a testicle shot (courtesy of ace Muslim sharpshooter Oesman) and may have now lost the ability to procreate. (UPDATE: He's since had it checked out. He has made a full recovery)

The second game involved us trying to defend the green flag, as we were the blue team. Showing my strong leadership abilities, I quickly took charge, barking out orders and dividing the team into smaller tactical groups. This time, my advice on defensive manoeuvres (everyone sitting together behind thick covering and pray) was followed to the letter. Not surprisingly then, we won - although the game ended for me in a hail of bullets from Steve O, who had now officially become my nemesis.

The third and deciding game turned into a real thriller as we hunted down the blue team. Last man standing was Steve O, who we eventually found hiding in a nearby ditch. It was left to DC and myself to "execute" him, thus winning the game, and we prolonged things a little by shooting at his feet, making him dance. He is such a good dancer though, and after watching him for a few minutes, everyone started jiving and so we decided to let him live.

See - http://www.actionpaintball.co.za/home.htm

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Testing, Testing

Hooray, I'm back online and will now proceed to ramble on about a range of innocous and mostly boring topics. I'm actualy so excited right now.

I received many, many emails over the last few months. Most of them involved the selling of Viagra or other generic drugs, but there were at least two people who sent praiseworthy messages, telling me how talented and special I was. (Thanks mom and dad)

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